Making Friends as an Adult! So You Can Have the Social Life of Your Dreams!
Everyday you wake up at the same time, you follow the same routine, you go to work, there you waste most of your day away before driving home just to waste away what’s left of your day watching YouTube or playing video games.
For years you’ve known that it was a problem but you’ve pushed it to the back of your mind, because you just don’t have the energy to do anything about it or even know where to start. You can’t seek help, because this problem is embarrassing, and what help is out there anyway?
While everyone else is out living it up, partying, going to clubs, going on dates, and hanging out with their buddies, you’re either sitting at home alone or enjoying solitary pursuits, because you don’t have any friends!
Whether you were a socialite in school or had social anxiety. This blog is for you. I’m going to show you how to make friends as an adult!
Don’t be Ashamed
Firstly, if you do not have any friends. Try not to be too embarrassed about it. You’re not alone. According to a Pew research study only 49% of adults 65 and older say they have 5 or more close friends, and this percentage declines with age all the way down to 32% for those younger than 30 (Goddard, 2023, “number of Close Friends” section, Para.2).
This makes a lot of sense, for it seems fairly obvious that the younger generations are struggling with loneliness more than their parents or grandparents.
Why is this? Could it be all the social changes that we’ve seen over the decades, or video games, or the fact that most of us work either in cubicles or at home instead of out in the real world? Who knows? That is beyond the scope of this article.
But as a former lonely guy who has successfully crossed the bridge into being a social butterfly I can definitely show you how to fix this problem!
Technology - the Good and the Ugly
Technology is such a doubled edged sword. If it is used responsibly then it can help one to deal with loneliness, for according to “How Technology and Isolation May Affect Mental Health” (2021) for older adults especially, “social technology use, including email, facebook, online video services such as Skype, and instant messaging, was linked to lower levels of loneliness, better self-rated health, and fewer chronic illnesses and depressive symptoms” ("Technology's Positive Effects on Human Connection" section), but on the other side of the coin “a 2017 study of young adults ages 19-32 found that individuals with higher social media usage are more than 3 times as likely to feel socially isolated compared with those who use social media less frequently, [and] research has shown that decreasing time spent on social media can help reduce feelings of loneliness” ("Technology's Negative Effects on Mental Health" section).
On the Bright Side!
Social media and the internet in general can be used to hide from the world by living in your own fantasy world with a phony persona that isn’t really you, but as we saw from older adults, if technology is used to facilitate social interactions then it can actually be a good thing for your social life!
Luckily there are some easy ways of doing this. Try to unplug from all of the rage bait on X and YouTube and spend more time on websites like Meetup.com or Facebook Events on Eventbrite.
These websites make it very easy to find events in your area and to even meet with like minded people to attend the events with! If you're interested in stand up paddle boarding for instance, then search for SUP groups on Meetup.com or look for paddleboarding events such as expos in your area on Facebook Events. This is by far the easiest way to get your start with meeting new people.
Putting in the Effort
But here’s the kicker, simply showing up to the events isn’t good enough.
A trap that I used to fall into with Meetup.com is that over many years, I would go to many kayaking events with the sole purpose of going along for the kayak ride, and to chit chat a little with some others along the way and nothing more.
I was a very skilled kayaker, so I was known by the others in the groups. They would talk with me while I was paddling around with them. They would try to get to know me. But as soon as the event was over I would wave goodbye and go home.
What a wasted opportunity.
I could have made so many friends had I just put some effort into socializing with the others in the group.
They would often invite me to go out to eat afterwards or to hangout somewhere else, but I never wanted to. I would make up some excuse and then head straight home.
As I wrote in an earlier blog about social anxiety, the magic word is “yes.” Do the opposite of what Nancy Regan told a generation to do. Just say yes! If somebody is inviting you to do something, even if it seems like a tentative invitation, just say yes. This is how you make friends. You have to do stuff with people.
So the next time you go to a meetup or to an event on Eventbrite, if somebody there wants to socialize with you, don’t just brush them off, engage with them, and if they invite you to something then just say yes. It’s the magic word that will solve many of life’s problems.
Here’s the Truth!
Most people are followers. Some sources allude to only about 10% of people being leaders (Adkins, 2015, para. 2). So although you may get some people approaching you with plans for you to hangout with them, most people aren’t going to. This means that you will have to be the one approaching others, and you will have to make the plans for socializing!
At first, this can be very intimidating. How do you approach others? What if they think your plans are stupid? What if they don’t want to hang out with you?
Well… practice makes perfect, so get to it!
You really don’t have to worry either. Most people want somebody else to do the planning anyway, and your plans don’t have to be perfect. Something simple like asking others if they want to go out to eat at Applebees is a good enough plan. It’s also worth noting that the more you approach others and plan events the easier it gets.
You will soon be known as the one who comes up with the plans and others will begin to gravitate toward you looking to join your circle. At some point, you may not need to approach others as much!
So the next time you meet with a group from Meetup.com or do an event on Eventbrite, approach others, ask them if they want to do anything after the event, ask for their phone numbers, and the next time you’re sitting at home bored with nothing to do, call them and see if they want to meet somewhere.
This is a great way to start making friends!
What if You're a Total Loser and Nobody Likes You?
I’m obviously playing devil's advocate here. Chances are you’re not anywhere near the loser that you think you are. But let’s just say that you’re the type that gets passed over when others are planning events.
We’ve all been there. There is a party going on. Everybody was inviting, except for you. Maybe this sort of thing happens a lot.
Well… even if it does, if you take the advice given above and start planning your own events then others will come to you. Most people are just looking for somebody else to do something. Putting in the effort to plan some sort of event is often enough to get people to gravitate toward you. This can completely turn your social life around.
Don’t Forget Your Co-Workers
Even forgetting about Meetup.com or other online sources, your co-workers offer a great opportunity to make friends.
For whatever reason many people skip right over their co-workers when trying to find ways of meeting people. But these are the people that you spend the most time with and have the most opportunity to befriend so why not?
Ask your co-works if they want to go somewhere after work. It could be as simple as watching the football game at your place on Sunday.
Meet People Where They Are
I once had a friend who was complaining about not being able to meet girls. He would say that with everything that he was interested in doing, it was nothing but guys at the events. In the rare case that a woman would be there she would already be taken.
I suggested that he try dance classes. What a great place to meet women. The ratio is likely skewed heavily in the opposite way that he is used to it being.
But he scoffed and said that he didn’t want to take dance classes.
I suggested yoga classes for the same reason.
Again he scoffed.
Finally I told him to find something that women like doing, that you could reasonably like to some degree, and then just suck it up and do it. You’re not going to meet anybody if you keep refusing to put yourself in a situation where you will find someone.
And I have the same suggestion for you. If all you like to do is solitary things then suck it up and go do something where there will be other people. You’re not going to meet anybody sitting in your room chatting with your AI girlfriend.
The Mack Daddy of All Events!!!!!
Do you have your own place?
Have you ever considered throwing a party?
This can seem very daunting, but just check out my blog on throwing parties for some tips to help make yours a great one!
Being known as the person who throws parties can make your social life very quickly go from a total zero to a perfect ten!
When you become known for throwing parties you will begin to notice people gravitating toward you very heavily. Everybody wants to be invited!
Another strange thing will happen too. All of a sudden you will notice the invites coming in to attend other people’s parties.
You’re going to be known by more people, because friends of yours will invite friends of theirs, and If one of your guests happens to be a party thrower then chances are you’re going to get invited to theirs since they were at yours. And this will just perpetuate the cycle of you meeting more people!
Throwing successful parties can really make you king of the mountain. There are few things that really wow your circle more than this.
So once more, check out my blog on how to throw successful parties and give it a try!
I know it’s a scary thought. Believe me. I know.
I used to be a nervous wreck in the days and hours leading up to my parties. I would worry about everything. I worried that there wasn’t enough food at the party, that too many people had bailed last minute and not enough would show up, that the parking would be a disaster, but as I continued throwing parties, I began to worry less and less.
Most of my parties turn out great, but now I’m at the point where I barely even care if the party is a dud or not. And I throw potluck parties so if there isn’t enough food then that’s the guests’ fault, because they are the ones who are supposed to bring all of it.
Like with most things in life, practice makes perfect, and the more you do it the better you get, so just do it!
But I live in an Apartment Building?
But I can’t throw a party, because I live in an apartment building. It will be too noisy.
Sure you can. People do it all the time! Just don’t blast the music and end the party a bit earlier. Most parties die down by 10pm or so anyway.
You should invite all of your neighbors too. This is a great way to meet the neighbors and if they are at the party then it will lessen the likelihood that they will complain.
Speaking of Parties
If your neighbors are throwing a party, then try not to be a buzzkill. Don’t call the cops on them, and don’t stomp your way over there to demand that they quiet down. What you should do is go over there, knock on the door, and ask if you can join them!
When your neighbors see you coming they will say, oh crap. He’s coming to shut us down. But then when instead of trying to ruin their party, you ask if you can join them, they will think of you as the coolest neighbor ever. Congratulations because you’ve just made some new friends!!
Let’s Wrap it Up
Just like in my blog about how to overcome social anxiety, the magic word is “yes!” So when people invite you to do something with them, stop looking for excuses to say no and JUST SAY YES!
Use technology to your advantage. Use websites like Meetup.com, Facebook Events, and Eventbrite.
Be a leader. Most people are just looking for someone else to invite them to something. So do the legwork of making reservations at a restaurant or suggest meeting at one of the events that you saw on Eventbrite.
If you become known for being the one who organizes social events then people will gravitate toward you.
If you do not have any hobbies or any interest that involve social events then suck it up, and find something to do that will have other people at it.
Throw parties! Seriously, this is the mother of all methods of making more friends. You can be the king of your circle if you throw decent parties! Again, read my blog on how to throw good parties for some ideas.
If you found this helpful then copy the url of this blog and post it to your social media. It will help to spread my website around.
Thank you in advance!
References
Adkins, A. (2015, April 13). Only one in 10 people possess the talent to manage. Gallup.com. https://www.gallup.com/workplace/236579/one-people-possess-talent-manage.aspx?utm_source=chatgpt.com
Goddard, I. (2023, October 12). What does friendship look like in America? Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/
How Technology and Isolation May Affect Mental Health. Regis College. (2021, October 25). https://online.regiscollege.edu/blog/technology-and-social-isolation/
